Tuesday, January 31, 2012

A Little bit of Sun Would Be Nice

A little bit of sunshine to start of this gloomy Tuesday here in New England.

This song always makes me smile.  Enjoy!  

Thursday, January 26, 2012

One Step forward, Two Steps Back

Here I am in week 15 of my pregnancy.  Physically, I am feeling better.  The morning sickness is finally subsiding.  My sinus infection is clearing.  I have a bit more energy that I have had lately.  This is great!  But I have to say…emotionally, I am a mess. 

I hate to sound all down in the dumps but ya know what?  I am.  I am being perfectly honest here and telling you that I am feeling pretty low, depressed, anxious, frustrated.  I can’t see how my life will be playing out in the next year.   I worry about what having the Mirena in my uterine wall will do to the baby I am carrying or to me.  To be perfectly frank……I am scared to death. 

I have an endless list of worry and problems that I mull over every day and night without making any progress.  I am told over and over “not to worry” and “things will work out OK” and "don’t stress” but I am a planner by nature and I have lost my plan.

I don’t think it helps that I know I am living in the wrong place on this big earth.  I HATE being cold and I could do without icy roads and big snow storms.  I don’t mind the seasons,  in fact I love the change but I don’t like the winter season being soooo long and harsh.  Maybe somewhere in the Carolina’s might suit me better where they have gentle seasons.  I love the heat.  Love it.   Maybe the gulf coast of Florida?  I even entertain Southern Cali, Arizona or New Mexico and of course somewhere nestled away in the Caribbean.   The cold just makes me freeze up.  Literally, when I am cold I am unmotivated and downright grumpy.  I can’t stand it.  The hotter the better and bring on the sun!!!  I want to be outside year-round and be comfortable.  Sorry to ramble but this time of year here in New England maybe a big contributor to me feeling a bit like poor ole Eeyore.

Photo from my honeymoon in my dream place, St. John.  This sun paradise is so tranquil it is magical!

Since I will be having three kids 3 and under I can't help  think of daycare.  The cost of daycare for three children is astronomical.  It’s so outrageous that if I did work full-time and send them to daycare I would be about breaking even.  That blows my mind!  So what to do?  I am not going to do that.  My current job gives me an hour commute to and from work and they have already said that they are unwilling to let me switch to part-time.  So I basically feel, on top of all this..I am going to be out of a job.  And the time is ticking closer and closer and the panic is setting in.  I need to make money to pay the bills and my husband’s job alone would not support us.  So I think the answer is finding a part-time job.

I wish I could start working less hours now.  Don't we all, I guess.  But I was feeling overwhelmed making it all work with the family and being outside the house 50 hours a week for work before I got pregnant.  I am not saying I want to check-out but I want to have more time to be a Mom and a wife and work on things that are near and dear to me, like sewing and writing.  I am a hard-worker and once I start a project I am passionate about, well watch out.  I just want that passion again.  I don't want to feel like everyday is such a struggle.  I am not by any means asking for something for nothing.

I would love to be paid for writing a blog perhaps…this blog or have some sponsors for my blog.  I would love to sew more and have my Etsy shop, My Sweet Marmalade  flourish. I would love to create lovely things and sell wholesale to boutiques and shops across the U.S.  I would love to come across an opportunity that would work out for me right now.  Something that would make it all click.

A row of my Reversible Pinafores

I am asking the Universe, I am asking you, the reader, I am throwing this all out there because I am hoping for some kind of answer.  A hint, a direction, support……..something.  Maybe you write a blog and have sponsors and can give me tips on how to get started getting sponsors and making some money.  Maybe you know of some way that a Mama can work from home and make some money and not get scammed.  Maybe you have a shop and want to carry my goods wholesale.  Maybe you just have an encouraging word besides, “don’t stress.”  Just maybe by putting this out there I will get what I want.  I know it may be a long shot but desperate times, desperate measures.  I know writing it helps me process my thoughts and that is one right step in the right direction.

Hello Universe……are you listening?  It’s me, Mama Nic.
I need a shove in the right direction.
Be gentle though. 
Don’t really shove me……I am pregnant and all.  

On second thought.  
Right now, I would even be happy with a whisper of a breeze to lead me on the right path.

Thanks for listening.

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Aw the Joys of Pregnancy

***warning:  If you are of the squeamish nature, please pass right over this post***

Quick story.

I threw up  today while driving my car to work.  I was impressed with my multi-talking skills and did not cause an accident.  There was a car right behind me and with no warning….I got sick.  I was not pulled off the road while this happened, I was still driving.  I pulled myself together enough to continue driving and then cleaned up the mess and moved on.

Lovely, isn’t it?  Isn’t pregnancy awesome sometimes?  I have to laugh about it……as gross as this is. 

I have not  posted lately because I have been dealing with 2 sick kids and now have a raging sinus infection myself.  I am 3 days into my  antibiotics and I think I can eventually kick this thing.  Eventually.  Once I do, I have a more meaningful post I need to write that has been percolating for a bit. 

Stay tuned.  Better times are sure to follow.

Saturday, January 7, 2012

Gettin' Crafty between spells of Morning Sickness

It started as 3 wooden bangles that I would never again.  Here is a lovely orange one.

Wait, let me back up one step.  Last night I was reading a blog that I enjoy called "bleubird" and she had this post called Ten Things.

So this morning, I took 3 wooden bangles and sifted through stacks of fabric remnants to make these...

It only took minutes to cut long strips of fabric and wrap the bangles.  I just tied them in a knot to hold the fabric on.  

Easy peasy.

Then out of nowhere my ever so reliable morning sickness paid a visit.

Once that was done I took a shower and got dressed.  I even made a makeshift headband from some of the same material, which by the way is call Too Muchery by Helen Dardik.  Love that print!  Don't' you?

My daughter thinks they are pretty fun.

Have a nice day everyone.

Glad I got my crafting fix today.  That always makes me feel better.

Now, go on! 
Get yours!!!

Friday, January 6, 2012

Mama Needs Her Groove Back

I wore lipstick to work this morning.

What's the big deal, you ask?   I tell you what the big deal is.

I am the lip gloss queen. I wear it almost every day, even at home.  It makes me feel good.  I am usually pretty confident in myself and like to put together outfits that will make me feel groovy.  Let's face it sometimes when you look good you feel good.  (or better at least......sometimes.  It works, I swear!)

But lately, I am frumpaliscious.

No groovy clothes, no lip gloss.  Just a whole lot of big sweatshirts or sweaters and whatever pants I can fit into that day.  It's getting depressing.  I am not a superficial person but I do appreciate that everyone has a style.  I think fashion is fun.  I am not talking getting decked out every day but just wearing that cute top and new shade of lip gloss or pulling our those funky shoes that you love so much.  Mixing it up!

Three months of not just good ole morning sickness but vomiting, headaches, extreme fatigue and now onto bad skin thanks to the hormonal free-for-all zooming through this tired Mama's body,  has really taken its toll.  Not to mention the emotional stress that having the Mirena still in my body and carrying a little life is doing to me. (more on that on another post)  My worries are endless when it comes to that,  and then I start thinking of how I will need a bigger vehicle to hold 3 car seats...........and how can I continue to work full time when the cost of daycare will suck me dry of every last penny that I may earn..........and we have a 3 bedroom house and we could use  a 4 now.  The list goes on and on.

So this morning, I wore lipstick.  I took extra effort to pull together an outfit that is not jeans and a sweatshirt.  It wasn't easy, especially this morning.   I woke up with a slamming headache and went to the toilet for my morning puke session.  The kids kept me up all night between one being sick and one having night terrors, so sleep was just a dream for me last night.

Mama needs to get her groove back!  With my second trimester just around the corner, I am hoping, praying, and begging the universe that my groove will return for at least a little while.  I am hanging onto that hope of the little energy burst I have usually in mid-pregnancy .  That time where the morning sickness fades to a memory and although you have some new aches and pains, things seem a little more tolerable for a while.  Until they get worse again at that end,  but I am not thinking of that yet!

So maybe, just maybe wearing a sassy lipstick or gloss will get me one step closer to my old self.  It can’t hurt to try.

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Don't Let Me Down

Well, hello there 2012.

I have to say that in meeting you I am feeling very intimidated.  You will bring huge change to me this year and to my family.  In spite of being intimidated I have huge faith in you that you will do the right thing.  I know we just met but I need you to know......I am counting on you.  Big time. PLEASE 2012 don't let me down.  Don't let us down.

Mama Nic