Life is one wild ride, isn't it? The greatest surprise of your life may be just around the corner. Join me as I do my best to embrace a new life. Mama to a 4 yr. old, 3 yr. old & a wee one that just turned one. An unexpected/risky pregnancy with the last, that pushed me to the limits on faith, love, & at times...sanity! Follow the adventures & awakenings of this little tribe I am proud to call my family as we try to find our place in the sun!
"Cause they gonna wash away.....oh, they gonna wash away."
Monday morning. Not a typical Monday for me by any means. The reality that I am not working anymore is sinking in this morning. I took my son to his preschool and my daughter to her Grandparent's house this morning as usual, but then after that instead of that horrible commute that would sure to kill my back....I got to drive right back to my house.
It was a beautiful day. Sunny. I love the sun. It is such a healer for me in the world.
I may have lots of things that are out of my control in my life right now, but one thing I can control are my thoughts. I decided to get back to the house and do my physical therapy stretches and then venture out for some fresh air and sun for a short walk up the road and back. I am not talking a 3 mile loop, but a little slow stroll for a few minutes to loosen up my muscles. It felt good....no great, really.
I have no room in my life for heart for negative feelings or fear. I decided to concentrate on being thankful for where I am today mentally, physically and geographically. You know I am always saying that my heart belongs living somewhere a bit tropical, but today is so beautiful I wanted to really look around at the beauty and be happy right where I am. Right now. Today.
And so I walk.
Cherry tree transitioning from pink blooms to green leaves. This was a wedding gift we got almost 5 years ago. Oh how it has grow...and so have we. I love this tree.
.......and I walk.
"I got troubles, oh but....not today. Cause I'm gonna wash away, this old river gonna wash me away."
Time to stop the worries and let go....relax.
Good morning Berkshire County. Lots of robins and cardinals out this morning.
You gotta love an old red barn.....
....an open field.
A flowing river.
I am pretty lucky....all this within steps from our house.
A daffodil growing up from a fallen tree.
Beautiful birch trees in the neighbors yard.
and back to the house I am. Hydrate, blog, and rest.
Today's agenda includes resting, reading and physical therapy this afternoon.
"I got troubles, oh but.......not today. Cause they gonna wash away. They gonna wash away."
And here is a peak of my latest Etsy listing in my shop, My Sweet Marmalade. Size 3T and ready to ship. Thanks for looking. Click here to see.
Have a great week, everyone! P.S. I am 29 weeks today! Wahooooo!
I know, I know. I owe you a big fat post. It has been over a week since I have written anything and that for me is not normal. Hope you weren't worried. I thought about writing several times, but honestly.....I have been struggling. MUCH has changed since last time I wrote but I didn't have one single ounce of energy to fill you in.
That brings me to Ch Ch Ch CHANGES..........
OK. Here goes.
You all know I have been going to physical therapy for the last 2 months and while it helps while I am there and maybe for that night, the pain quickly returns with my hour commute each way to work each way plus sitting at a desk all day, then taking care of two wee ones when I get home, all while carrying this precious baby girl. I am beyond the normal exhaustion and I felt like a Zombie Mom. I was leaving work early or struggling just to get by every day. My coworker even set up the back of her car with memory foam, blankets, and pillows so I could nap a while on my break. My car has to many car-seats to allow for resting in there, and although this felt strange to do......when you are that tired, it works. I was also having multiple doc appointments a week and was out of sick and vacation time so this was becoming tricky. Which also meant I couldn't call out if I needed to. I was at an emotional and physical breaking point. I hit the wall.
Out of the blue at work they approached me with an offer. They must had realized how hard it would have to come back full-time after baby number three and had an offer for me. Stay on the job until baby comes or doc says enough is enough, take my maternity leave and when I am ready, come back part-time to a different position OR sign that I am coming back full-time to my same position. I slept on it for a night and signed for the part-time option. It was the only logical answer and this was exactly what I needed. I was so relieved that things were actually going to work out! It felt like a small miracle. Something to be thankful for, for sure.
So my Zombie Mom state continued along with growing back pain. I saw the Hematologist again this week. Good news is my platelet count has NOT dropped in the last month. Wahooooo! Although doc reminded me that from this point on is when the counts generally start to dip. But for now, things are OK...still lower than a normal count but not so bad. I will take it.
The next day I had my bi-weekly OB/GYN appointment and with my growing laundry list of complications (and belly), this weeks report of more horrible cramping and strong braxton hicks, doubled with how tired and in pain I have been in from my back......she pulled the plug on working. Although this was going to shock some people at work and was going to be financially not the best situation.....it was what was best for baby girl and I. We desperately needed this to happen. Now we would potentially have 11 and a half weeks to focus on us. Get as strong and healthy both physically and emotionally as possible. I happily accept this new job.
I went into work the next day to work a couple hours and let everyone know. The outpouring of love and support was overwhelming. Lots of hugs, tears, emails, flowers and balloons and a wonderful send off. I love my work family more than I can say.
So I started reading 2 books last weekend. I know.......ambitious for my situation right now. But these books are like little tidbits of inspiration for me. The 1st book is Bloom, a memoir by Kelle Hamton. If you don't know her story by now, but click here to update and inspire.
I also started reading Magical Beginnings, Enchanted Lives by Deepak Chopra M.D. It is a holistic guide to pregancy. The words and ideas I have to believe are changing me for the better.
More on these later when I get some more reading done. But so far, I highly reccomend both!
So when my Mother called this weekend and asked if there was anything that she could help me with.....cleaning, watching kids, organizing whatever, I jumped at the chance. Yes! I felt this NEED to go through all the 3 years of baby clothes that have accumulated in the house over the last 3 years, sort, purge and set aside for new baby. And do it today! My son was already at his other Grandparent's house, Daddy was playing rugby, and so that left me and my daughter home alone. And we certainly couldn't get up into the attic and get down all those boxes. My Mom came over and we got right to work.
We sifted through 3 years of baby memories, stumbling upon outfits that were keepsakes of my son's and I will put away for him to maybe pass on to his kids or at least have to look at and see how tiny he once was. Memories were in those boxes and although we didn't need any baby boy clothes anymore, it was bitter sweet to let them go.
It was also exciting to set aside clothes that the new baby could use. We put aside all the clothes that baby girl will grow into to be stored back up in the attic. We took out the newborn clothes to be washed and set into drawers in nursery. (....well, as soon as I move my daughter out of nursery and into brother's room....we need a bigger house already!)
We laughed at remembering "oh this was a hand-me-down from Aviana" and "remember when Zamira wore this". "Can you believe Max was ever this small?" We found clothes that I had sewn, special holiday outfits and clothes passed down and lots and lots of gifts from grandparents. :) Little shoes, pregnancy books, you name it we found it, sorted it and got things organized. We were not messing around.
This kicked in my nesting drive big-time. The lists that were growing in my head and my belly has grown, was written down on paper. Time for action. My Mother said she thinks this baby will come early. So.......just in case. We will be ready.
And just a quick medical update. This week I was very crampy again only worse than normal. The morning with lots of cramping was followed by a pretty uncomfortable day with lots of braxton hicks. I had a doc appointment that day and he checked my cervix but luckily, again.....nothing has changed. The cramping may be due to the IUD. My back pain is still an everyday battle and commuting and sitting at a desk all day seems to be the worse thing for it. I also now have sciatica, which is something new for me. Physical Therapy continues on a weekly basis. So physically, the struggle continues and yet I have no choice but to carry on. Week by week, we are getting there.
Take a look below at the piles and piles of clothes/aka past memories and future dreams.
Exhibit A. Clothes we were giving to other people we know who had little boys or to donate. This pile grew by about 4 more boxes!
My son's "coming home" outfit to keep and a onesie from the year he was born.
The outfit he smiled in for the 1st time and the little knickers, suspenders, and bow tie that he wore to my Sister's wedding. Keepsakes. Precious.
And finally a box to wash and sell on consignment.
