Pieces of My Heart, Part 3

So to continue my baby/birth story before I have no mind left at all.  And I say this because I keep walking into rooms knowing I went in there to do something or get something,  and then my mind goes blank.  Like, totally blank!   There I stand, dumbfounded as to why I am there.  Also, I lost my phone this morning.  I blamed Marmalade right off the bat.  I searched everywhere for the phone.  Toy bins, couch cushions, counters, floor, the dollhouse.  I even looked in the refridgerater because I once got something out of the fridge after I had Marmalade and left my phone in there.  Well, after all that it ended up being in my sweatshirt pocket that I was wearing that morning.  Poor Marmalade.  Innocent.

So, on with the story...................

It was July and I was still pregnant.  This was a fantastic achievement! I was proud of myself for making it this far along and I was thankful for I knew every day she could stay tucked away safe in my womb, she would have a greater chance in this world of being healthy.  As annoying as the end of pregnancy can be, not too mention uncomfortable, I was glad she stayed put. 

At this point, the 38 week mark,  my platelets were being monitored still and although they had been low all along, they were now dropping to that borderline number where I may or may not be able to have an epidural.  The cut-off I was told was usually at 100, although it was up to the anesthesiologist that day as to what was considered a safe zone.  I was now at 104.  Yikes!!!

I was having stronger contractions and cramping.  I knew I was 50% effaced and 2 cm dilated already and everyday I woke up I thought, this may be the day.  On the one hand I was wishing I would go into labor any day, and on the other I was thinking it would be better to be induced once my platelet situaiton was more under control and it would be a more stable environment.  I was so torn and in the end I knew it didn't matter what I wanted.  What would be would be.  I also started getting stomach flu-like symptoms this week which could be another sign that labor was coming up.  I did a lot of sitting / bouncing on my yoga ball and walking starting this week.  At the end of 38 weeks after my 3rd appointment that week it was decided that if I didn't go into labor on my own by the 10th I would be induced.  I would be 39 weeks and one day.  At this appointment though she thought I was in early labor and so did I!   I was no about 80% effaced and 2 cm dilated and contractions were happening all day.  Doc said she could feel my bag of water just on the edge and wouldn't be surprised it if broke anytime now.  Then, once again........nothing.

I somehow managed to make it through the weekend and by Sunday I realized I just needed to rest up.  No more walking or trying acupressure or eating Chinese food.....just rest.  


My platelets were checked again that Monday morning and they were at 103.  One digit closer to the unknown for the epi and I was SO annoyed!  Doctors had planned on admitting me that day if they were below 100 and doing some i.v steroids to pump up the number,  but since it was 103 they did nothing.   Nothing!!!  It was to close for comfort for me.

I went to bed that night with much anticipation of the labor and delivery.  What would happen to me?  Would my baby be effected by any of this?  The low platelets?  The Mirena?  Would my placenta deliver on it's own?  It never has, so that would be a miracle too.   All  this unknown will soon be known.  Soon.

To be continued..........................

Enjoy some more pictures of that babe.  

Buddha Belly!

Tubby Time!

All fresh and clean! 

The good life!

 Love,
Mama Nic
 

TGIF!!!

Marmalade taking care of Chica.  She gave her Dora and a blanket.

Still sleepy.

Look at the butterflies,  Little Sister.

Happy.

Bored watching Mama do dishes.

Her fav place to be....right on my chest.

Can't help but kiss that sweet face!

Comfy in her My Sweet Marmalade pinafore.  Who knew when I originally sewed this one that it would end up on MY baby! 

Mama, I can see you ya know.

Tiny hand, tiny pocket.

Love all the summer bright fabric.  Pinafore and burp cloth from My Sweet Marmalade.  New boppy cover from Memories Maid by Angie.

Happy Friday, Everyone!

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Pieces of My Heart, Part 2

To sum up the weeks until my 18th week in pregnancy I would say this.  Physically as the pregnancy progressed I felt worse and worse and emotionally, things were starting to take a toll on me as well.  The worse morning sickness I had ever had that lasted all day and night,  every day for almost 4 months, along with getting a sinus infection, horrible back pian already,  and my endless worries about baby and I were real challenges.  We pulled through the challenges one at a time.  Day by day.  "Just keep swimming.  Just Keep swimming!" was our mantra.  I pulled strength from my family and friends and from being creative because that always makes me feel better too.

Then this day happened. My 18 week ultrasound.

At 21 weeks I started physical therapy for my back and continued to go up until birth.   I started having round ligament pain.  At 22 weeks I started having horrible cramping and had to be seen to make sure I was not in preterm labor.  That cramping would go on every week until delivery.  This week it was also discovered that I had gestational thrombocytopenia.

By week 28 I was just a mess and doc said enough was enough.   I stopped working.  It seemed to shock my co-workers but with the pain I was in everyday,  it wasn't a total shock to me.  Being home helped me immensely.  After a few week I was finally getting some relief from the back pain and emotionally I was able to take out the stress of holding it all together and working,  It was time to slow things down.  I knew in my heart that if I hadn't of done that Iwould have had this baby way to early and she was already at risk.

Fast forward to 33 weeks.   An ultrasound went great.  Besides not being able to locate the Mirena anymore, the baby looked perfect.  A true miracle!

From there the weeks just passed.  I felt blessed for everyday I got to carry her.  All my doctors were monitoring me for all the issues.

And finally, July had arrived!  It wouldn't be long now.

To be continued.....................

8 Things that Can be Learned in the 1st 3 hours of the Morning

Being a Mama of 3 is hard.  At least it is today.  I knew some things will get easier and I also know some days will definitely be harder than today.  It has only been 2 weeks since I earned the title "Mother of three" but I wanted to say that I hope I learn something everyday that will make this "job" more manageable. 

The say "There is no learning without emotion."  I must say I believe this is true.  Much emotion going on,  so hopefully much learning in this house too!

In 3 hours this morning I learned many lessons.  Here they are:

1. Getting 3 kids dressed, fed and out the door takes a minimum of an hour and a half right now.  Plan an extra 15 minutes if you want to even think of doing anything with your hair or to put on makeup.
2. A newborn will have a diaper blowout as soon as you put then in the carseat.  Plan for an extra 5-10 minutes to change and reload.
3. Don't forget anything that you need.  This is almost impossible considering your mind is not as sharp on lack of sleep, hormonal changes and stress.  
4. Forgetting something that your child needs for pre-school will require a trip from home to preschool, preschool to home, home to preschool, and preschool to home,  NOT fun for anyone and is a major time-suck.  Also, it is very hard on the ears.......lots of yelling and some crying involved too.  I am not saying who did what. 
5. Don't, I repeat don't offer anything that you cannot guarantee to provide.  Example....offering pretzels and realizing that we don't have any left in the minivan makes for a big tantrum. 
6. This brings me to this point.  Always stock the minivan with extra juice boxes and snacks.  This could have avoided the trips back and forth and back and forth this morning as well as the tantrum. 
7. I CAN carry a baby in a car-seat on one arm and a kicking screaming toddler in the other.  I am not saying it is easy but it can be done if needed.
8. Make sure you get a cup of coffee before all this starts......you will need any extra energy you can get!

Ok, Mamas of 3.  What words of wisdom, tips,  or stories can you share?

Wishing you all a tantrum-free day.  I hope it goes smoothly for you.

I smell poop.........I have to go change a diaper.....again.

Love,
Mama Nic

2 Weeks! Already?

Enjoy some pictures from the last 2 weeks.  The girl is growing fast!  Soaking up every moment with her.  I will catch you up more when I can.  For now I will let the pictures tell the story.  As you can see, we are doing great!

Bloom and Grow. 

Beautiful baby girl.

Snuggle time with Auntie.

Hamming it up for the camera.

LOVE this shot.  She is wearing the dress I sewed for her while I was pregnant.  It fits perfectly and she looks gorgeous. 

The tribe!

Bubba showing off his Captain America face painting from our 1st outing all together as a family.  We went to a street fair and had a great time.

Sister in matching dresses.  Looks like she was caught doing something naughty by the look on her face.  

LOVE

Chica!

Butterfly face painting!  So still and serious.  :)

Peaceful in her matching pinafore and burp cloth.  She even matches big sister!

Pieces of My Heart.....The Birth Story Part 1

As she lay here against my chest this morning, I realized I may not ever have an ideal time to tell this story.  So here I sit pecking the keys with one hand to at least begin it.  The birth story will be told in pieces, thus the title "Pieces of My Heart." 

I struggle with how much to tell, what is kept for only myself.  I feel a little vulnerable in sharing but I feel that there are some important things that need to be said about getting pregnant while using the Mirena,  somebody needs to tell this story.  The story of  an unexpected pregnancy, completing 39 weeks and one day of pregnancy, birthing a healthy baby, and still having the Mirena inside my body somewhere.  Location right now is unknown and will require surgery.

Settle in with a cup of coffee.  This is the story.  This is my closure,  or what closure I can have given the story isn't really over.

We beat the odds in every way on this one!  "Mirena is more than 99% effective at preventing pregnancy" says the Mirena website.  When I went in to my 8 week postnatal appointment from the birth of my middle child, the midwife and I discussed birth control options.  I haven't even considered an IUD until that conversation where she basically sold me on how effective it was, the health benefits, and the fact that as a Mom of two this was great because you put it in and forget about it for 5 years.  Seemed like a no brainer to me.  I read the pamplet of the risks but everything has risks and at some point you just say to yourself....."that will never have to me!"  Right?  Wrong.  Oh so wrong.


When I got pregnant one year after I had it placed I was shocked.  Stunned and scared to death!  I did read on the Mirena website that "Mirena may attach to or go through the wall of the uterus and cause other problems."    I also read "in the uncommon event you get pregnant while using Mirena, seek emergency care because pregnancy with Mirena can be life threatening and may result in loss of pregnancy or fertility."  

I went on to read "Over the course of 5 years, fewer than 8 in 1,000 women become pregnant while using Mirena. One risk of getting pregnant while using Mirena is called ectopic pregnancy, when the pregnancy is not in the uterus. It may occur in the fallopian tubes. Signs of ectopic pregnancy may include unusual bleeding or abdominal pain. Ectopic pregnancy is an emergency that requires immediate medical attention and often surgery. Ectopic pregnancy can cause internal bleeding, infertility and even death. Call your healthcare provider right away if you think that you're pregnant.
There are also risks if you get pregnant while using Mirena and the pregnancy is in the uterus. Severe infection, miscarriage, premature delivery and even death can occur with pregnancies that continue with an intrauterine device (IUD). Because of this, your healthcare provider may try to remove Mirena, even though removing it may cause a miscarriage. If Mirena cannot be removed, talk with your healthcare provider about the benefits and risks of continuing the pregnancy."

I had been feeling nauseous for a few weeks.  I was so tired I could barely function.  I had spotted but not had a period the last month.  I thought, well I am the Mama of a two year old and a one year old  and work an hour away from home 40 hours a week, of course I am tired.  Maybe I ate something that didn't agree.  Maybe I am getting sick.  They say that the Mirena causes your period to lighten or stop completely and may take a year to do so.  So I attributed the spotting to being on the Mirena exactly one year and that is what was happening.  Besides, I could still feel the strings and know it is still there and I JUST had my annual exam last month to and she assured me everything was fine because she too could feel the strings so placement was never a worry.  The signs and symptoms and fears intensified and when I just knew that I had to be pregnant I took the test.  I thought if I wasn't pregnant then something is seriously wrong with me and I need to see a doctor as soon as possible.  Maybe I have some horrible sickness. 

I took the pregnancy test and right away........positive.  My heart sank.  I HATE to say that my heart sank knowing what I know now but  I was scared for my family.  Not just how can we manage another baby but I was scared for the life of the baby and for my life too.  It is no joke the risk that is involved here.

I go to the doctor's and take a urine test.  Positive.  They do an ultrasound and the room was dead silent and tense.  There she was on the screen.  Proof.  A baby. 

The doctor had to ask the question of whether we are keeping it.   Yes.  I never thought of not keeping the baby.  Not ever.  As scared as I was I knew in my heart that if this baby was so intent on beating the odds and coming into this world, who was I do determine whether or not she could be born.  And besides, knowing that she was made out of love and would have a secure family that would welcome her with open arms, I was routing for the little one from the start.  Love beat fear.  It was as simple as that!

The doctor explained the risk of miscarrying on the spot when he tried to remove the IUD, yet we had to try and remove it for keeping it in had greater risks than taking it out for me and baby.  He tried.  He could not remove it.  He did another ultrasound to try and find it.  He tried one more time.  It wouldn't budge. It was lodged in my uterine wall.

So needles to say, we have beat the odds already by getting this far.  I was about 7 weeks along and knew we had a long road ahead.

This was our family at Disney while I was pregnant and didn't know it yet.  Just after this trip I came home and took the test. 

to be continued...........................

Sound the Trumpets, Release the Doves.....Our Miracle Girl is Here!

Without further delay, I would like to joyfully announce the arrival of our baby girl!

Prayers were answered!!! After the shortest induction, labor and delivery of mine lasting a total of only 3 hours, she arrived on Tuesday afternoon.  Safe and sound, weighing in at 7 lbs. 6 oz. and was 19 1/2 " long. 

You know I only use pen names on this blog, so her name will be Chica due to the fact that she is my youngest girl, and also the delicious cheeks where the 1st thing I noticed about her.  She is bringing chunky back! 

I have been wanting to let you all know she is here all week but with the chaos of 3 kids and getting home from the hospital, Chica's jaundice to deal with, nursing and pumping, nursing and pumping, nursing and pumping.....well, the week escaped me.  I am not sure how I will ever have another spare moment ever again to blog but I will promise to keep at it the best I can. 

I will give you a better birth story at some point, I promise.  For now I would like to relish in the fact that I have her in my life.  My heart has grown once again.  The love and gratefulness are indescribable.  She is healthy, I am ok and we are home!  To watch her bloom and grow is a privilege and it is an honor to be her Mama.

Enjoy the pics.  More story to come soon....or soonish, hopefully.  :)

Life goes on my friends.........and it is a beautiful thing!

Daddy with his girls.

Perfection.

Love.

Welcome home.

A big brother's love.

Love,
Mama Nic

The Grand Finale is Almost Here!

Dearest Baby of Mine,

Just hours now till we meet and I am getting so excited!  You are our special grand finale, or as your great grandmother would call you.....you are our caboose.  Either way, you are perfect.  I could gush with emotion right now,  but I want to hold it together and tell you these last thoughts in my final hours of pregnancy.

No matter what happens tomorrow, no matter what you look like, no matter what the status of your health is or what happens to mine.......You are perfect and you are loved.  We welcome you with open arms and you have already found your way into my heart where you will stay forever.

Thank you for allowing me to carry you for 39 weeks and one day.  Safe travels into the world!  I can't wait to hear that joyous cry announcing your arrival.

Anxiously Awaiting You,
Mama

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I Can See the Light

Ok, so the girl who likes/needs a plan in her life finally has one.  Let's get this straight, I am more than ok with the plan changing BUT for now I have some peace of mind.

After seeing the hematologist and my OB/GYN  this week it has been decided that IF I don't go into labor on my own by Tuesday, I am being induced.  The induction is for medical reasons and not because I am just getting antsy.....just sayin.  That seems to be a BIG IF right now because my body is definitely on it's way and doc seemed to think I was possibly in the early stages of labor yesterday.  

Plan will be to get more blood work on Monday morning to check the platelet level.  Call OB doc in the afternoon with results.  If the number is too low then they will take me in that night for the most likely treatment of i.v. steroids and then go for the induction the next morning after rechecking the number.  If the level seems ok on Monday, then we will just go forward first thing on Tuesday with the induction and have a Birthday Party!  We shall see if this little one sets her own Birthday or not.  I can't say what she will do.  She is VERY unpredictable already and definitely has a plan of her own.  

So, that is the scoop.  My house is quiet now so I want to wrap this up.  Hubby took the kids to the playground so they could run off some major energy that they have going already today.  Doc told me to walk, walk, walk this weekend and already did that this morning.  I am just having a bit of down time while I can before the chaos comes home again.    I love my kids but can I just say that dealing with a 3 and 2 year old at this stage is pregnancy is more than a bit challenging to me lately.  Bubba came home last night with a shirt that Grammy bought for him that says "Not Listening" and boy is that appropriate these days. 

Time to wrap this up, in more than one way.

Oh yeah, and I am still chanting.........

Clear Eyes, Full Heart, Can't Lose!

Love,
Mama Nic

Getting Ready for Game Day

I haven't been feeling that well the last couple of days physically or at times emotionally.  I woke yesterday with some stomach flu-like symptoms and contractions that made me take notice.  It was the 4th of July and my Gramma Mimi's Birthday.  I miss her so much and would have loved if my girl could have had the same special birthday as her.  I was excited at the contractions as they came on.  My Sister and I were amused timing them for a couple of hours straight at one point.  All day they would come and last for a couple of hours and then slowly let up and fizzle down to nothing like a firecracker that just didn't want to fully ignite.  I know my body was doing some prep work yesterday and although I felt tired and pretty miserable in the morning, after spending a day with the family on the lake although still very tired and physically not very comfortable, emotionally I was recharged.

This morning I woke to the same stomach flu-like symptoms again and body chills.  No fever at all but I was shivering out of control and it was not cold in the house by any means.  I read that could be a sign of oncoming labor but at this point it seems a joke because of course labor is coming soon.  11 days away from the official due date.

I have been playing it low key today.  Water has been my best friend trying to stay hydrated and get rest.  I did some light housework and seemed to get the house and my mind decluttered and in shape for our new permanent house guest,  should she feel like arriving soon. Uh hm  hint hint....any time now, Baby.  We are ready.   I did some reading and listened to some music and felt more relaxed.

Out of nowhere I thought of a quote from a show that I enjoyed watching, Friday Night Lights.  I don't know if any of you liked that show or watched it but even though I am sure the target audience was high school kids.....I loved it.  Timmy Riggins and Coach Taylor are reason one and two!  Holy hotness!  hahahah a Anyways, the quote is:

Clear Eyes, Full hearts, Can't Lose!

How appropriate.  I repeated that to myself over and over.  Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose!  Clear eyes, full hearts, can't lose! I felt like an athlete at a pep rally getting ready for the big game. I felt good.  Strong,   like I could take on the Mirena and tackle it's ass (pardon my french).  Like I could block that Gestational Thrombocyptopenia!  Like I was a birthing goddess who could do this and will do this!  Three kids all under three years old.....I got this!!!  Come on baby girl!!!  Clear eyes, Full heart, Can't lose!

I can just hear Coach Taylor saying to me.............

In this pregnancy you have been challenged, like never challenged before.  Question flying around town is can this Mama be beat?

Preparation, preparation, preparation.  We are going to stack our strengths against this complicated situation and come out of this on top.  By God, you have been preparing for this coming day and this time in your life both physically and mentally.  You have been preparing  for this one thing and one thing only.......that is birthing a healthy child to complete your family.

You listen to to me now.  You listen to me!  You look around at your family and you ask yourself Mama, because it is time....what kind of a woman am I?  What kind of a Mother am I?

This birth day there will be a bond formed between you that will never be broken.  I will not be proven wrong on that.

Do I think that you can do this?  No I don't think you can do this, I KNOW damn well you can do this!  The question is do YOU think you can do this?

Then show me.

 

Time is A'Tickin and I Just Wanted to Say Thank You

I started this blog partly for selfish reasons.  I needed an outlet, a way to vent, to be accountable, to find hope.  I also started this blog because when I found myself pregnant on the Mirena (iud),  I searched and searched on the internet and felt like in this big big world I was alone in this situation.  Or so it seemed.  I dug around on the internet to try to find someone....anyone who went through this.  How did it happen, how did it turn out, what can I expect, how do they feel, are their babies healthy, are they ok?  So many questions and unfortunately, I didn't find the answers I was looking for.  I am sure I AM NOT the only one in this situation but I guess nobody wanted to share their experience.  I think sharing is important and if I can help another Mama to be feel like she is NOT alone and that she CAN do this, I have done my job.

I don't have a crystal ball.  I don't have any way to know how this story will all turn out.  It is risky I know,  telling you all my personal thoughts and private medical issues but it just seems that sharing has been healing for me.

I wanted to officially thank you......and you.....and you.  YOU have gotten me through these last nine months, even if you didn't know that is what you where doing.  It was and I thank you.

I have found such hope in other Mommy Blogs and I need to share with you these links.

Warning:  Clicking these links may change your point of view on your own life.  They sure did for me.

Momastery
Enjoying the Small Things
I Will Carry You
Rage Against The Mini Van
This Little Miggy Stayed Home
With A Little Moxie

My list goes on but here are some special highlights.

I have also found the community on Baby Center to be very supportive and it was on there that I actually found ONE Mama to document her journey being pregnant on the Mriena and delivered a healthy baby at 37 weeks.  It was no easy journey for her either and knowing she made it through gives me hope.

To readers and people I don't know who follow along......I thank you too.  For your comments, for the likes on Facebook when I post my blog, to the people I work with (even though I have been out of work for going on 10 weeks now!), for my friends, and family and husband and two little kiddos that I am so lucky to have as my own.......Readers in countries like Pakistan, Russia, Germany, Norway, Latvia and so many more.  I can see that you are reading and I am amazed!  You have all done your part to get me here.  To get us here.

I had my 38 week appointment today.  Things with me (besides the low platelets and mirena that is somewhere in my body) are good.  Things with the baby are good.  I  had blood drawn today and my platelet number has fallen to 104.  I see my hematologist tomorrow afternoon.  The doc today said that things are pretty much hinging on the platelet number.  If the results came back in an acceptable range then he would not tempt fate anymore and most likely induce me next week.  If the results showed my level was too low, most likely I would be put on steroids to pump up the level and then induce me right away when the number picked up.  Since the number is 104, right on the border of being ok....or not ok...I have no idea what they will decide.  I can say that it is very probable that I will have this baby one way or another within a weeks time.

So.  As I said, time is a'tickin and I needed to formally and officially thank all of you for being here for me.

Love,
Mama Nic

Happy Birthday, Marmalade!

What can I say.....my girl is 2!

Here she is all dressed up for her Princess Party with the dress I sewed for her.  Couldn't ask for a better model. 

Enjoying her new sprinkler.

Loving on the doll that Poppy gave to her.

And of course the Princess Garden cake!  That wand and crown kill me.

Make a wish, Sweetie.  The world is yours.

Thanks for the lift, Grammy!

What a delicious day.  

Today is her official Birthday.  Two.  I can't believe that she is two.  I also can't believe I now have a 3 and a 2 year old and am expecting baby #3 any day now.  I am now 38 weeks!  That is also something I can't believe!

I have  doctor's appointment this morning. My Mother is going with me.  She just called and said maybe we are more intimidating in numbers.  Will all of the issues I have had we just want to make sure that I am really being taken care of the best way possible.  Sometimes that means asking tough questions to the doctors and putting them on the spot....questioning everything and listening to your gut feelings at all times.   

Deep breathes and positive thoughts.  I am just so anxious as to how this story will unfold.  It is making me a bit crazy, I have to be honest.....and emotional. More on this later.............

For now, Happy Birthday Sweet Marmalade!!!!!!!!!

Love,
Mama Nic